Why another Birthday!

People around you are happy for you on the day. I have a wobbly feeling.Another year passed & I have nothing special to celebrate.

Its my 45th!I retrospect and ponder what this day should mean to me. Was I born in to this world for any significance? Do I have anything to contribute to this world or the ecosystem around me. Do I Love enough, the handful of people who are happy & remember me on this day. Have I done anything special in the lives of these gentle souls. Have I given enough of myself for the people around me.

Have I loved enough?

Is it true celebration, for the years I have been on this planet.I am starved. Famished for attention. Why just a Day in the calendar, why not 365 days, all through, that people feel happy about me.Each Birthday, I decide to mend my ways, to overcome the short comings, but this is so natural. Every day I get captivated in my selfishness, my arrogance; forgetting, I need to spread happiness to get happiness in return.

It’s your age with which people around you judge you and forgive you of all the outrages and blunders you have committed towards them. I carry the burden. People have been offended by me, intentionally or otherwise, around my growing up.

I have a past, a long list of people who are dead and alive. Couldn’t live up to their expectations and had been unreasonable. They looked at me and thought this would change, but it grew with each passing birthdays. For some, I couldn’t even show up my repentance and they died with a dark picture of me. The ones, who are alive, tend to give fresh chances of making up, but I take this in stride and sleep over the night to wake up to a new day.

Reflections of the lives of people around me prompt me to change my actions and start living the way it should be. While I write, my mind and heart are completely in sync in understanding, that, something has to change, change immediately, before end of this birthday.  I should be demonstrating humility. I am not superior to judge people, to evaluate their personality and then accordingly give back. I need to ignore, as, everyone who loved me does.

Probably, these were the traits of all those great humans, whose birthdays we celebrate as a society. They would have overcome the shortfalls of judging people and treating one another as equal. No one has  greater egos.

I want to be loved. I want to be remembered. I want my birthdays to be celebrated, not while I am alive, but also when I am gone.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy New beginning!

8th January’2019